I Need A Fast Car To Get Back On The Wagon I Jumped Off Of!

When I saw this cover at the grocery store it bit me in the ass! No, not the Elizabeth Edwards, my cheating husband drama? If it was that you would be seeing my crazy ass on that cuckoo bird, Nancy Grace's show for having Shane's balls dipped in fur and using them as rear view mirror decor. LOL! It was the Kirstie Alley article (if you can call things in People articles). There she was stating how she had fallen off the wagon(I refer to the wagon as a healthy way of living & eating). There are a few things I don't agree with Alley states in the article. For one she is planning this whole new "plan" that is top secret to help people lose weight. Listen hun, pretty much there is no secret fabu fountain of weight loss that you have tapped in to. Secondly she says, " If I spent as much time working out as I do worrying about being fat, I would be fabulously built." Umm, hello I can't give her that either. I was spending countless hours, miles, gallons o' sweat working out but the weight on the scale kept mounting. For me, this is FOR ME it equates to about 85% what I eat and about 15% exercise. Not that I condone exercise, the complete opposite. Just for me there is more to my weight loss equation then working out.

I too like Kirstie had fallen off the wagon big time! Really I have been jumping on and off the wagon pretty much since August 2008. Wow! That really just got me typing it. I can not believe I have allowed myself to be on and off the wagon for 9 months! UGH! It really disgusts me and I am so ashamed of it. Obviously by the gain it has been mostly off the wagon the last 9 months! I am in the fitness industry to top it off. It bothers me walking in to a class and possibly being the biggest in the class. I was doing so well on Weight Watchers. I followed it hardcore. Sure, I still allowed myself small splurges as more weight came off and as long as it kept within my points system. One of the down turns, I started developing the mentality of I work out this much I should be able to eat this much! Well, that theory does not work for me!

I was born a fat girl, really. LOL! It runs in my family too. Seriously, I have seen my parents up and down the scale my whole life.

exhibit 1 fat

exhibit 2 thin
by the way they are looking hella a good at the present time

I am also guilty of being up and down the scale in large numbers. When you reach the down side of the scale there is always this promise of, "I will never be that fucking fat again!" Unfortunately for a lot of people that struggle with weight it becomes a promise we soon forget....

down
by the way did I think there was going to be a scrunchie shortage??

up

down

up

down

up

I can also tell you the countless methods I used to get "down". There was the smoking,starving, drinking straight Bacardi limon on ice diet. The exercise of course came from dancing in da' club. The Quick Weight Loss Center diet, where pretty much everything was off limits. My meals then consisted of 4-6 cups of lettuce with a 6oz chicken no dressing and of course no salt. During that diet, I felt weak and did not have motivation to exercise. The LA Weight Loss diet, which was a looser version of QWLC diet. Then of course the countless times I would "try" unsuccessfully on my own. I would be all gung ho, going to the gym eating right then have a slip up and crucify myself, which would lead to a bigger downward spiral. Then my most drastic and biggest mistake, vertical banded gastroplasty. Yep, what people call stomach stapling. To all these methods I am not saying they are wrong and do not work for anyone. For some people they find long lasting success with no complications. For me these methods did not work. Each time I had a few set backs the weight would come back and would always settle to 10lbs above of where I started.

Here I am now having a set back while on Weight Watchers. OK a big set back I have managed to put back on 51lbs since August 2008. At one point that side bar read 91lbs dropped! Whoa, that really sucks the big one! I was 30lbs to goal,UGH! Can you believe I never stopped paying for the online Weight Watchers service?? I guess to cancel the service would be a bold face way of me stating I was done with it. The good news I am not all the way back to where I started. The better news is that I am willing to dust myself off and get back up, well down. hehehe! Time to change the side bar pounds dropped and work my way back down from there.

May 2008 38lbs from goal and in matchy matchy running shorts that do not fit this summer

The plan:
I have been back on Weight Watchers hardcore since Friday, May 8. I had a friend willing to go to meetings with me. Not that I expected the meetings to be a sort of "come to Jesus" meeting. I just know that I lacked some of the will power I had when I started doing the program on my own online back in June 2007. I needed that accountability the meetings provide. Sometimes you also need somewhere you can speak out loud of what you are going through with out driving people in your life insane. The more you surround yourself with what you are trying to achieve the more you can competently conquer it.

I am no expert on nutrition, exercise, diet, surgeries but have had my own struggles. If you ever have a questions and think my experience can help or you just want someone to talk about it with e-mail me. I don't bite unless you catch me between 7P-9P, during those hours I would bite and chew almost anything :-)

I have been told I am an inspiration by some, but to me I am just a real person that deals with their own battles. My battle is my weight and this is part of my life. I have no shame in putting it out there. There will be ups and downs, no doubt. It is about staying on the journey which is constantly seeking my well being, physically and mentally.

Ironman 70.3 New Orleans Race Report

WARNING IT'S LONG, BUT SO IS 70.3 MILES

&

EVERYTHING THAT GOES WITH IT

That being said if you want to skip the preface straight to the "meat"
scroll to bottom all the way to race day. There is also a short movie after the report.

Where do I begin to tell the story of how great a love can be the sweet love story that is....
OK, got carried away there.

I have been completely dragging on writing this report. At first it was just gathering the thoughts on what still felt like a dream scrambled in pieces coming clear to me slowly. Then it became an actual loss of words. For those of you who know me all to well you know I hardly ever find myself at a loss for words. You know when Viv shuts up, it is serious.

Thursday April 02
I went to the Dr. Thursday morning and she agreed to give some Xanax to calm my crazy ass nerves down a bit. I thought it would help me sleep since there had been no sleep in my life for days, otay weeks. Then headed for a pedi, which should be mandatory with all the feet one sees at a tri. Later that evening I took my bike over to Tri Sis's & Da Man's house, who so sweetly transported my bike for me to New Orleans. I knew SOW would be in good hands with it's QR cousins. Came home finished packing up everything, triple checking e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. I had already had a dream that I forget my helmet and the expo only had Darth Vader style helmets. After all that, I took my Xanax and felt like I had 4 glass of wine or easier said a bottle. No sleep came with that effect but I felt totally chill.

Friday April 03
Morning came around and at 8:30A I was picking up my girls for a road trip to New Orleans. Shane had a lot of meetings on Friday so he planned on flying in to New Orleans on Saturday. I was glad I had Kelli, Lisa, Phyllis, & Chandra there with me. They definitely had me laughing. I did have my quiet times and they let me have those to. They had made awesome signs for me and made plenty of arrangements between work, children, even pet sitting to come support ME...It is something I will never forget. Of course as with any road trip there are stories to be told. All I am sayin' is Burger King in Braux Bridge, hehehe! The homies were staying in the Quarter so when they weren't cheering me on they could make thier own fun. They said they would see me as much or as little as I wanted. I took da' girls with me to the Expo since I knew this is when it would all really sink in especially at the briefing. While at the briefing I saw Steve in a Speedo, who had a PR check out his cool report. I was stunned that I recognized him without his yellow short shorts. It is always nice to meet other bloggy peeps. I got a text from Cassie/Tiggs , (check out her report) while at the briefing asking where u b? I was like at the briefing, she said me too. It was like that movie where the operator says, "the call is coming from inside the house..." LOL! We popped our heads up and did a once over. Once our eyes met we gave each other the runners nod. Our glance from across the room said it all without a word. I know she could sense my nerves as I could sense hers. There were a few rules that M-dot does at their events that I had no idea about. Like, 4 bike length distance, penalty tents, opting out of the swim?!? No biggie but when you already nervous, new information can rattle the cage. We got our stamps and headed over to get our number. 1391! 13 is my lucky number so I was willing to take all luck thrown at me. The Expo was about the size of my bedroom. I bullshit you not. Da' girls were awesome and totally spoiled me. They got me a Ironman70.3 bag and the official artwork for the event. I left them at their hotel and headed to meet some of Team Strive, Leslie, Dee, their better halves, Tri Sis & Da Man at the hotel in Metairie. The hotel recommended this great little Italian place so we piled in my Yukon XL to discover it was a block away. It took more effort to back the beast outta the parking lot then it would have taken to walk there. HAHAHA! We had a very lovely dinner. Times like that make me thankful of the great people that have come into my life because of triathlon & running. When you look back at these races it is just not the race itself. It is everything that surrounds it as well that make them so memorable. After dinners some of us took a little field trip to get some supplies at Whole Foods. They didn't have my triple processed non organic oatmeal crap I eat. It was still a fun little outing full of u-turns. I am super glad we stayed out of the New Orleans hoopla. There was so much traffic in the city with the 3000 people racing plus the pirate convention(it was funny seeing them in their full get up around town), and teacher convention. We were away from the chaos in our own little bubble with full kitchens, which kept the anxiety at bay. I was in bed by 10P but still no sleep till way past midnight.

Saturday April 04
I met the same Strive group from dinner the night before and we headed out to check out the course. After some more u-turns(can I just say New Orleans should consider making the city less confusing) we got to transition. It was so impressive yet intimidating to me to see this HUGE (since Paris Hilton is now endorsing this word, bimbo) area getting hundreds of racks set up preparing for 3000 athletes the following day. We walked over to the swim exit to see Natascha Badmann squeezing into her teeny tiny wetsuit. We chatted a little with her then headed over to swim start. Some of the hubbys took notice to not swim into the cove at about 500 in but to stay close to the booeys to not add extra purposeless distance. Reasons like this is why it is good to check things out before hand. Before we took off we chatted momentarily with Heather Gollnick. It was really cool watching her and the family pull up in the Hummer. It is a family thing coming to watch Mom, so cool. We then proceeded to drive the bike course. It was hard not to think that this is a long 56 mile drive we would be covering the same distance on our bikes the next day. At one point I looked at Dee and we simultaneously took deep breath. The gang split up as they went on to drive the run course.I had to leave to pick up Shane who was flying in. Shane and I then met da' girls for lunch in the Quarter, where they shared all their fun stories from Bourbon Street the night before. After that went back to the hotel. I grabbed my bike rode around the hotel checking the gears and such. Oh, there was a fight with a biatch in a Lexus wag who could not share the right lane when she had total access to the left lane. She annoyingly blew on the horn rolled down her window and said, "what is your problem?" Oh no she didn't. I uncliped and released the tension that had been boiling up in me to this race. I yelled," me, what the fuck is your problem get in the other lane you $$^t!" I will save your eyes from the last word. It is one of those I keep really deep in my pocket of cuss words. Ahh, did that feel good though. LOL! Loaded up the bike with Shane and headed in to bike check in. I let some air out of the tires like I remembered the stories of blown tires in the dead heat. I did make a mistake that had me worrying most of the night. I left my bike shoes clipped in and then stressed they would be missing race morning. By 5P I was worn out! All the stresses leading up to the big day with lack of sleep had me skipping dinner with Team Strive that evening. We ordered a pizza laid in bed while watching some TV. I was asleep by 10P and awake at 2A ready to race. I made myself catch a few more hours of restless sleep.

Sunday April 05 Ironman 70.3 New Orleans RACE DAY
The morning started out with Shane making breakfast. He also managed to set off the smoke detector while burning the sausage. We had to open the windows, grab a towel and fan out the smoke detector. Typical Viv drama, HAHAHA! Now, that is the way I like to start my mornings...Shane loaded up everything and we were gone. (As I write this I feel the butterflies I felt that morning.) It was still a bit dark in transition and the area was a buzz. My bike shoes were still there clipped on. Whew! The chick behind me was freaking out. She had left her bike shoes at the hotel. Deja Vu! I had all my stuff laid out with in 45 minutes. It was a longer race so I wanted to be sure I went over everything. I made my way over to the buses to swim start. Then the volunteers started saying you better start walking to everyone. I just was not prepared in my cheap throw away flips to walk more then a mile. This race official was like, "you are doing 70.3 what is 1.2 more?" Umm, in these shitty flip flops and moist streets could be my fall before the race. Then of course I am walking by this group talking about Kona and how easy this course is in comparison. So wishing I had my iPod....I still had not seen a familiar face since Shane dropped me off transition. Then at swim start I see Jon Walk. He had me pose for a pic. I had the biggies grin, mostly because I was happy to see a face I knew. Within seconds there came the Team Strive gang. I think I hugged Leslie tightly. I guess to feel comforted. We made our way to the port a cans. The line was unreal! Cassie and I would not have made our swim waves if we waited. I was OK with it since it was an in water start, if you know what I mean. We shimmied into our wetsuits. Cassie and I hung out till her start. She was 4 minutes before me. So I only had to be with me and my nerves for 4 more minutes. Once I was in the water there was no turning back, the nerves would be left there in Lake Pontchartrain. Once I was in my holding area I hear Shane screaming, "Viv, Viv" Ahh, I was hoping I could see him before I went off. He could see my tears of fear building. For the first time he understood not to say something crazy like, if you don't wanna do it we can leave. He said, "no crying your my tough girl, sweet." I just needed to see his face before the challenging day ahead. My sister was on the phone telling me she loved me, and I could do this. Da' girls gave me hugs and told me the best thing, they were already proud of me.....

The report is broken up in legs with times. Mind you the times meant nothing to me. Seriously, I had one time in mind and that was to finish before they came and picked me up or let me keep crawling to an empty finish area. I had 8 hours from the time the last
wave went in the water. For me that meant a total time of T-9 hours.

Swim: 1.2miles (59:17 /3:04.4/100m)
We walked into the water with the start booeys within 15 yards. The plan was to get out of the water fresh. I stayed relaxed, never thinking about what is in here or even worst what was. All that stuff that can mess with your head. It was point to point, meaning from the start you never see that final booey with the naked eye, which I also tried not to think about. I kept my mind on the day as a whole. About how much I wanted to be here, finishing this race and if that meant swimming 1.2 miles well so be it....My plan, just swim all chill till I see I am there. It was one of the few times in a race where I barely made contact with other swimmers. I did find myself going towards the cove and focused on staying further from it. I am sure I added distance with all my weaving, but I can't walk straight much less swim straight. Another nice thing about the swim course was that the shoreline was so close. It was cool to have the spectators walk alongside and cheer you on. My wetsuit was giving me a hard time. I am guessing that in the super humid air walking from transition to swim start that most of my Body Glide had dissipated. The neck of my wetsuit was rubbing on my neck badly. I had to stop a few times to try to adjust as much as I could. Every time I did that I would hear Shane and da' girls screaming, "Go Viv!" I loved that...Once I made it to the 1/2 mark booey my Timex read 28:29. It felt good to know there was a large possibilty I could be out of the water before an hour.

T1: (8:46)
There is a story to this one. I jogged out of the water with my suit half off before hitting the mat with everything going well, but had to hit up the port a can for a potty break. I just can't pee and swim, never can never will. I changed into my bike jersey out of my baby size tri top. I knew I would be pulling down on it for the next 69.1 miles. I wanted to be sure to be as "comfortable" as possible. In a sprint or an OLY...why I never, but this was no OLY and surely not a sprint. I took my time at my rack to make sure I grabbed everything. Well as I almost hit the mat out and felt my back pocket to feel that I left all my Accel gels, fanfreackintastic. One of the volunteers held my bike as I jogged all the way back. Got my stuff and off I went.

Bike: 56miles (3:43.48 /15mph)
Leaving the transition area they had us to this little cluster loopty loop around the transition area. The pro was getting some good cowbell before heading out, and letting me grab my bearings, so to speak. Letting the stomach settle, get used to getting lungs full of air all that great stuff that comes with being on land. I recall seeing Jon right after leaving transition and giving the camera that genuine, I am so glad to be outta the water smile. The way out was really good for me. I was keeping the HR in check, getting great speed with easy effort. About 20 minutes into it I went to grab my pb&j and it was so hot that the peanut butter melted and was all in the zip lock, ewww! It was frozen when I left transition in the morning. It always worked during training but I did not expect it to get that warm in 2 hours. Oh well, that is why you plan. I had packed extra gels just in case. Began to take in the gel as planned, kept up with hydrating. When I passed by mile 15 aid station I wanted to grab a water to pour on my head to cool off. Well they did not have water just gels, and bars. I did not think too much on it since I had my own fluids and knew if anything I could surely make do till the last aid station. All is good when you plan, but sometimes things go down that you can not plan for. My aero container flipped out at about mile 20. The larger chamber malfunctioned. I don't know if I did not connect the straws right but anything below the straw connection I could not get anything out. I finished off the 16oz water in my cage and the top 16oz I could get out of the big chamber. I then changed the plan to just do a bottle exchange at mile 30 aid station, to top of the aero container. During training I did not take in as much fluid as I was taking in today. Then again much warmer and humid, mouth a little dry from a minor salty swim and oh yea it was race day and as much as you try to mimic it, ain't nothing like the real thing. I chilled out since I knew there would be an aid station coming up shortly. I got to mile 30 aid station shocked to find again, no water, no Gatorade, NOT a liquid to be found! I found myself with no fluids and extremely thirsty....At that moment as I am passing the discard zone I see half full water bottles that people had thrown after whatever they may have used them for. I pulled over grabbed one removed the lid and refilled the aero container. I was in a bit of a panic mode because thinking back now I should have found a couple more half empty bottles to fill my cage bottle and both chambers of the aero instead of just the 16oz side. I really thought what I did there would hold me over to mile 48 aid station. At this time is when I started seeing other Team Strivers. I can't remember the order but I know it was such an up lifter! We would yell at each other, "gooooo xxx!" I had just made the turn and could see them on the opposite side. I think I forgot to mention that after mile 15 the wind began whipping up. It was a brutal head wind from mile 23ish on for me. Even though we looped it felt as the wind would change just enough to become nothin' but head wind. Reports later would say that the wind was topping off at 17mph at the time I was out on the bike course. It was so disheartening to push push push and get nothing out of it. It would feel like I had the damn bike on the trainer at times, pedaling to nowhere. I began to feel the energy draining from me. I was just looking forward to some fluids when I arrived at the mile 47 aid station, my body was demanding it. I was on empty and so where they. We were being told, "hold what you got till transition." Umm, being that I had nothing that would mean just that nothing till transition. I saw Shane & da' girls giving me cowbell at around mile 50, it was much welcomed and needed. At mile 51 is where things were getting extremely ugly for me. I would start to pass the people carrying the bikes in on thier back. Or even worst just sitting there on the side of the road with their heads down in thier hands, the day for them was over. When I say people I mean more than one, it was dozens. How do I recall feeling at that point? I just wanted my day to be over too. It was a mental, physical battle for the next 5 miles. You may think, oh Viv you have already done 51 what is 5 more miles....Trust me, for me each mile was getting more difficult then the last. It included those brutal head winds, nearing dehydration, and the bridge and overpass that seemed challenging on the way out now on the return quickly seemed impossible. As Team Strivers were now passing me they would give me those encouraging words I needed to hear. Even if one of the encouraging words were, "this is bullshit!" HAHAHA! I just kept telling myself I have to get a chance at that 13.1 miles. In my mind once I was at 13.1 miles to go, there would be nothing that would stop me, not even myself.

The race directors response to lack of fluids, click here.

T2: (6:49)
I remember coming into T2 a little disoriented and very pist off!! I was feeling the effects of not having enough fluid on the bike course! Shane & da' girls where at the fence line by my transition area. They all stayed silent. I think they did not know what to tell me. Shane tried to hand me his Gatorade. I told him no. If I were to get DQ'd for outside assistance. I would have gone postal... I grabbed two half full water bottles thrown by the fence line took the lid off and sucked them down. I did not want to work on my Fuel Belt bottles becuase who knew what was waiting for me on the run. I grabbed my stuff and made my way out. I felt weak, like I was barely moving. They had some gallons of water as I left transition. One of the voulenteers asked if it was OK to pour some on me that I did not look well. He then asked the question I did not want to hear, "Ma'am do you want to continue?" I will be fine I told him just needed fluids. I started to get a little jog on to feel the legs coming out of transition to hear the man next to me tell me, "It ain't worth dying over!" Shit, did I look that terrible?!?

Run(or sumfin like it): 13.1miles (3:39.17/16:44min/mile)
I took my first step out on the run course to be greeted by Shane looking very serious. He proceeds to tell me(he had to remind me later what he said), " Vivian, it is not worth risking your health. It is a race, and I will still love and not think less of you. We have a little boy at home." I told him not to worry I would feel better once I got some Cytomax in. I waved him bye and kept walking along. I knew I had to start the run/walk intervals but now was not the time, walking was challenging enough. Around mile 2.5 I started bringing in a little jog it would last like 30 seconds then I got over it real quick. At this time I saw Da' Man on the opposite side. He looked happy to see me still at it. Hell, he just looked happy. It was great to see him though I needed a smile right then and there. At that point I put aside the thoughts that I might be walking a 1/2 marathon. It is pretty easy to do when you see so many doing the same, and suprisingly I had a little time to play with. I put a smile on my face and kept striving! I kept on plan with the gels & hydration. Can I just say, I LOVE our Team Strive uniforms. First, we can't miss each other out on the course with our bright green. Secondly, the encouraging words you get from spectators, "keep striving, go strive, you make striving look easy!" I even got a, "I saw your Strive sisters and they will be waiting for you at the finish line." Yet, my fave funniest cheer from a spectator came from this lady with not a tooth one who looked at me dead in the eyes like she was putting a spell on me, "I see you, girl, I see you, hahahaha!" She did the whole pointing to herself for I, the pointing to the eyeballs for see, then the final point to me for you. Funny, yet freaky all in one! At mile 4 I did not prepare for this chub rub under my arms. I was walking with the arms kinda out from my body when this girl out on the course heading out asked if I needed Body Glide. I was thrilled and shrieked, "yes, please!" She said, "I looked like I needed some." Got the hook up and felt mo' betta. A little after that Jon came around on the bike since he had press creds and kept me a company for a bit. It was nice to let the mind float aways for a few. After, he left I was ready. I picked up a jog at mile 5 and was feeling good. I kept it going and at mile 6. Shane & da' girls where there with signs, cowbells, and screams! Shane looked pleased to see me feeling good. I was blowing kisses so I knew I was good right then and there. I was able to maintain whatever run/walk thing I had going till about mile 7.5. Each mile quickly become more tolling on the body. My run intervals became non exsistent and the walks got nothing but slower. I recall at mile 9 it was hot and humid. We were going through a park with shadded trees. My mind was just telling me to lay down under the tree that they would come find me. I bullshit you not, I was really thinking that. It was getting harder to fight the majority of my thoughts that were all telling me to stop. My walk pace had gone from 14:40/min/mile to a struggling 19:15/min/mile. It all felt like all the same laborious exertion. I believe after mile 10 you could label what I was doing was crawling. It was the same small group of people around me at this point. I remember these two annoying chicks who were relaying the run leg, yet walking fresh as cucumbers talking about beignets, and how lovely the city is. I knew I still had fight in me if I had enough energy to want to slap them. Then there was another girl who was definately in my boat. The last 3 miles she would crawl past me then I would crawl past her. We remained silent but acknowledged each others precense with the most deep painful sounding grunts. I found myslef letting out 2 grunts per grueling extenuating step. I could tell we were coming in closer to the Quarter. Then I heard a volunteer say less than 800 yards to go for the turn onto Decatur Street. I made the turn and saw Shane running on the sidewalk next to me. I could not finish with a crawl, had to dig deep to finish with what my body had left. Picked up a shuffle, every step felt like stepping in a pile of flaming glass. It hurt, everywhere.

As I type this now I am developing a knot in my throat. I had taken time away from writing this report because I knew these feelings were all still way too close to the surface. I have heard it said, that in these distances you will find out who you really are. Not to say that it takes a 1/2 Ironman or an Ironman to find out who you are or what you are made of. It can happen in any situation that takes you out of your comfortable, routine life bubble. For now and for me it was Ironman 70.3 that took me out of my comfortable stay at home Mom routine. Not just over the 70.3 miles but all the miles leading up to it. I was tested continously by being thrown out hurdles bigger then the last (you can click on the hurdles link to read more on that). My Coach reminded that the finish would be that much more meaningful.

It was!

All the months, the pain, the tears, the time away from family & friends, the frustration, the 2 a week PT sessions, the doubt, then belief, only to doubt again was boiling over inside of me. Every mile down on the 70.3 distance brought it all to a boiling over point.

The finish line was fast approaching. I gave high fives to da' girls who were standing along side of the chute. I high fived any hand that was put out in front of me. I found it hard to catch my breath, almost hyper ventilating at this point. I was fighting back the emotions that were boiling over. I crossed that finish line, and I did not even let the volunteer put the medal around my neck. I grabbed it out of her poor hands and put it on myself, like I could not wait one millisecond. I dizzily looked over trying to find Shane. He grabbed and hugged me, and boy did I boil over. I was not crying, I was sobbing! My friend, Kelli later told me she stopped filming because felt like she was invading a special moment. All those hurdles had been jumped. The finish line was crossed! As much pressure I put on the moment to be amazing to how grand I dreamt it would be,well it did not even hold a candle to it.
It was much much more, and I DID IT!

New Orleans Ironman 70.3 Total Time: 8:37:55

Movie of photos & video. Thanks Coach K for the song....

Right after I hugged Shane, I went and squeezed da' girls and team mates with whatever energy I had left . With our embrace you could feel the energy of what we had done. The hurdles and sacrifices each person faces are thier own, yet they, we keep striving...

Within minutes I began to feel dizzy. I could not drink water or, the Recoverite and felt faint. Shane & Da' Man walked me over to the med tent. Where they quickly sat me down and did a couple things, I can't remember what. Next thing I remember I had an IV and came to on some dudes barf, nice. Shane was telling me how his BlackBerry had been blowing up all day with people responding to my updates. He read all the amazing things my friends, family, and Coach were saying about me. They ran a liter of fluids and recomended another. I felt better and thought I should leave some room for others. We then drove over to transition to get my bike. I ran into the girl that was in the same boat as me the last 3 miles of the run. We just looked at each other said congratulaitons and hugged. I told you there was a silent comaradie thing going on betwen us.

We then stopped off at Walgreens got me a chocolate milk and that helped a bit. I still did not want to even think about food. Headed to the hotel where Shane drew me out an ice bath. I am pretty sure I heard that sizzling sound when I put my legs in. Later that evening we went to dinner in the Quarter with da' girls. Some of Team Strive was there at the restaurant. I think we are that the point that we can sniff each other out like dogs. I barely could walk but made my way to the bathroom when I overheard this man saying, "that there girrrrl did the Ironman and now she can't walk." Yep that would be me, I just smiled...I could not leave New Orleans without shuffling my way through Bourban Street with a hurricane and a big ol' straw so we did just that. I slept like a solid rock that night, no doubt!

Recovery
It has been slow. There was the 3 days where I could barely walk. Then a week and a half of being extremely swollen, retaining water. The Dr. said my electrolytes (magnesium potassium
calcium, and chloride) where all out whack but not enough for it to be dangerous. The swelling is now almost all gone. I am back in PT where Paula is working on getting the knots in my legs released. There is some fluid in the muscle and swelling, but as you know the legs were not so fantastic going in anyhow. I have had a couple swims, just pressed for time these days taking care of things that were put on hold for a solid 2 months. I am back to teaching SPIN classes just taking it easy with the resistance and no clipless shoes, it puts a lot of pressure on the calf. The running will wait till the legs are somewhat healthy again. I am jonesing to run but on legs that are ready for it.

Fun questions I get asked....

Was the bike the easiest for you since your a SPIN instructor? Why yes it was. In fact it took me 8 hours to do the race becuase I insisted I do the bike course twice, that easy.

When are you going to do it again? Well, if there was one next weekend I would be all over it.

What was the hardest part? Hard?! What gave you the idea that anything was hard.

Are you going to do the real Ironman now? No, the fake 1/2 ones are much funner plus less training.

When is your next race? Next race?? Life is a race, get in gear buddy.

How did your marathon go? It went awesome! I am pretty sure I qualified for Boston.

Did you win? Yep, I crushed all the people that took longer then 8:37.55

Holla

Still Mustering The Thoughts On The IM70.3 Race Report

OK it still seems like a dream....What a difference this weekend will be from last weekend, huh?! The report will be up very soon.


A friend told me that a picture can tell the story itself sometimes. Well, this one will give a billion words to what I felt like moments before entering the swim at New Orleans Ironman 70.3.

The guys at Ironman wanted me to give them a shout out.

The Ironman 70.3 World Championship will air on NBC Sunday April 12, 2009.

Don't forget to set your DVR's.

"I Want My Old Wife Back, I Miss Her"

I really thought I would stay away from my blog till after New Orleans, which by the way is now 4 days away. I had to vent my thoughts though. In addition it will be beneficial to me to have my vast amount of feelings documented. Remember this ol' post hurdles? I had one more hurdle this past weekend. I got sick, and spent the weekend in bed. I'm feeling pretty much back to good, just some sniffles and cough left over. I feel like negativity just gravitates to this 1/2 Ironman.

Usually I'm picking on Shane for his negativity. I am optimistic by nature with just the right amount of realism mixed in. Shane is the complete opposite. He got the nickname Schleprock from a friend. I often call him by that nickname when he starts with the negativity. Schleprock is the cartoon character that walks around with the storm cloud over his head. We usually laugh about it. Then there I was feeling like fucking Schleprock for the past 4 months.

Honestly, I guess some part of me never truly full heartily believed in New Orleans 1/2 Ironman happening. There was the constant nursing of injury, never feeling great, each ride chipping away at my confidence, my own realistic self esteem, and just dealing with life in general. I wanted more then ever to believe I would cross that finish line. Yesterday I looked at my BlackBerry calender to see a huge blank scheduled for this weekend. Let me give you a quick lesson in organized, OCD Viv. I put everything in that damn calender. If I could predict my shit time it would be in that calender with a 15 minute reminder alert. Yet, there it was free time clearly obvious to me.

I spent an entire week debating with myself about going forward with the race. I knew I was under trained some due to things out of my control plus others I could have controlled. I would have to be 110% for this race then being sick made me really question it. I would spend most of the last couple of weeks tossing and turning. I would wake up with a headache from stress only to keep it all day long from the looming question, to tri or not to tri?? I have not even been able to enjoy all the excitement that goes with a race this big because of all my doubtful negativity. I had a plan, finish Ironman 70.3 then dedicate more time to family who dearly needs me. Take life more in moderation. Get back to WeWa, get the rest of this weight off, learn a new format to teach in the gym, maintain friendships, let the over use injuries calm down, work on strengthening, flexibility. Not have the pressures I was putting on myself for this longer distance. Work on it all but in moderation.

If I did not move forward without even trying the 70.3 distance this weekend after all the hurdles I jumped it would all be pointless. I know there are other 1/2 Ironman's this is not the only one this year, but I am not planning to attack the distance again this year. I would close the book on this distance without even trying to write the final chapter. I came to conclusion that I would regret more not trying then I would to try but not complete the distance(the distance has an 8hr course limit). My heart, mind, and soul needs to try to move forward with the rest of my plans versus mourning the what if's.

So, it is official I will go out there an give it my best. I am going to have fun this weekend. I have Shane, friends, training partners ,my buddies who will be blowing up the BlackBerry all there to support me. No matter what goes down it will be a great weekend with the biggest hurricanes I can possibly suck out of a straw or two! I am pretty sure after this weekend Shane will get his wife back only tougher.

So many lovely cards e-mail texts, comments....
I still can't believe how many people have reached out to me.
Your thoughts will be with me this weekend.
Thank You!

FOCUS

It is time to really FOCUS.

I have been filling any free time with anything that keeps me from thinking of the reality of what is to come. When I do think of it fear consumes my mind. Every time someones asks about the "big day" I get a nerve stricken look on my face. It is much easier to ignore the quickly coming event then deal with the reality of it. It's is time to play this day in my mind over and over. When I do this course on April 5th it should seem like deja vu, like I have swam, ridden, run this course before.

I want to thank you all for the support you show me. You say I inspire you but seriously you guys inspire me. I printed all the comments from my last post and put it with race maps to read when I lose focus.

I hope to come back here in 12 days and tell you I AM IRONMAN 70.3!

Road Blocks or Hurdles

Wow, this is the longest I have ever been away from my blog. I wonder if anybody still skips through here or abandoned me for dead. I did get quite a few e-mails from people showing concern. Thank you for caring, it means a lot to me that you took the time to reach out.

It has been a rough few months. As some may know I tore my right calf muscle over Thanksgiving. After 6 weeks off of all activity and physical therapy I thought I was in the clear. Only to begin having trouble with the left calf. With the injury, I take one step forward and two steps back. I have a fabulous physical therapist who is also a triathlete and a friend. With her help I have been nursing it twice a week. For every run there is a PT session to follow. I also use the term run very loosely. A run for me is now classified as 5R/1W at a controlled pace. If I go out too fast the calf seizes up and the whole run is scrapped. The runs average between 12:30-14:20 minute paces. That also means things like bricks rarely if at all happen in my training. Since, it would mean running on consecutive days, which sends me many steps back. No speedwork nothing crazy...So, in other words it is a keeping it "healthy enough" till New Orleans 70.3. Needless to say, I will be going in more than a little under trained in the running department.

There were also family concerns that tested me during these past few months. My Lil' Buster got some freaky virus that did not allow him to walk when he woke up one morning. It was a huge scare! It took about a week before he was back to his normal self. I did miss one or two workouts, not much really. It did require me to leave Shane in charge in the evenings so I can go for my workouts. Doing that added a lot of stress on me mentally. I felt like a bad mom leaving Lil' Buster when he needed me for my selfish goals and aspirations. Also, the weekends are my LONG workouts that have me gone most of the mornings and leave me drained physically. My family is used to my upbeat chipper self. My parents are super ol' school they really don't understand my being away from home for all this training. My mom especially, she says, "I am a stay at home mom who really is not at home." Yes, I am one of those people who needs approval from her family, especially my mothers. It added a lot of stress to my mind. It had me questioning is all this for that really worth it.

I am accustomed to keeping a clean home, dinners on the table in the evening, bills paid, sending thank you notes with little hearts over the i's, not forgetting a birthday, thoughtful friend, all things get done when Viv is large and in charge. Yep, your usual Mrs. Cleaver with a little attitude. It is me though and being a neat/control freak and on top of my game keeps me sane. That was all quickly slipping. I forgot everything. When things are due, friends birthdays, introducing people that have shared dinners at my home together, bathtubs so nasty that I loathed taking a shower at home, beds never got made, laundry would stack up to no end. In the mix of all this my suburbia SUV blew up costing thousands to fix. Also, home renovations were going on to. You know how that goes, one word summation CHAOS. We had wood floors put in and a few paint changes with a few other lovely upgrades. Upon completion there was the kind of dust that lingered in a thick haze. I was breaking down at everything. My temperament quickly changed. It was like, Vivian what are we having for dinner? My explosive response would be, "dinner,what the fuck dinner? Mind you the explosive responses it does not take much to put you on the receiving end of something like this. I know a lot of my anger was displaced with the true fear of knowing that I had contonous inner doubt about completing Ironman 70.3.

Then there is all the eating. My stress levels have me eating in an out of control manner. I have put on 10lbs. + the 30lbs I am already trying to take off from this past winter has me with my lip up but unwilling to get down to it and get under control. I have to be mentally ready and right now I am not there. It does piss me off that last summers running shorts don't come over my thighs. This is also making the physical activity a bit more struggling. My body carrying more weight does not help the whole balancing a watermelon on toothpick theory.

Yesterday, was my rock bottom. After taking it too easy on last weeks vacation only doing open water swims. I came home with the desire to do nothing. I was supposed to do my long bike ride on Monday but Lil' Buster came home with a horrible ear infection and perforated ear drum accompanied with several sleepless nights. I had to keep him home to take care of him. So Tuesday it was going to be the morning to hit up a swim, and you guessed nope. By late afternoon I put my pj's on with no intention of anymore workouts hoping Wednesday spin class would get a bit of life in me. Only because I work that class if not there would be no intention of that either. I posted on my facebook how I had no ganas (no desire) in Spanish. Several of my friends encouraged me to get out there. Even my dear coach hit me up with a guilt stricken, "so does this mean we won't see you at track tonight?" She knows what track means to me. It is my favorite group workout. Not that I am doing any speedwork now but seeing the gang, watching everyone work so hard, pushing each other to new levels is always encouraging. It is also the place where healthy I see my fastest paces. It is always promising to see improvement in my running. In fact I can usually be seen smiling when healthy at track. Key word running my first love who has been trying to break up with me as of late.

Tri sis posted a comment on facebook, long winded but this was the zinger for me, "If you have decided to blow off New Orleans then make it public." Was I ready to make it public to all of you but most of all to myself. A friend told me yesterday, "you have come this far and are 3 weeks out why quit now?" I feel I have really not come that far at all. I have struggled with the run training the entire time. The bike has really been no piece of cake either but all prep work nonetheless. So, if I threw in the towel with less then 3 weeks to go. All the sacrifices, hard work, expletives, tears, anger, challenges, blood(ok no blood really but it worked to intensify the drama), ice, physical therapy, time away from family, it would have been for nothing. Nothing but to know that I gave up. That when the road less traveled had road blocks I shut off the engine. I did not look for an alternate route, I just pulled over and threw my arms up. My Lil' Buster asks on sporadic occasions, "Mommy, when are you going to be an Ironman" (I don't have the heart to tell him I will be 1/2 of an Ironman, LOL). How do I tell him next time he asks that Mommy will not be an Ironman. I refuse to pull over and turn off the engine.

I will take those road blocks as hurdles and keep jumping them all the way to the finish line. It will not be easy and that morning I am sure I will still have more fear than ever. The fear has stared already when I think of a 7-8 hour day on April 5th. I mean I know people who can't work a desk job that long without a lunch break or at least a smoke break. No breaks for me though. I will be striving to reach my goal of becoming Ironman 70.3. If my health deteriorates or something I have no control over happens that day or leading up to, I will understand that my goal has been postponed not abolished.

If it is 13.1 miles holding me back from the finish line then I will get there.

Animal I Am Becoming....

I apologize in advance for my lack of being around. I find myself being tapped out for extra time. My family & friends don't get to see or talk to me much either, which given my attitude lately they may consider it a blessing. I have a short window of time where I am a decent human being. I go from an endorphin high, to emotional, to grouchy, to sleepy. At my Mom's birthday gathering yesterday I would have classified myself in a comatose state, no doubt. Some people are lucky to balance it all, but for me it is a challenge. The people around me know how much New Orleans Ironman 70.3 means so they try to keep how they feel about it behind my back. Sometimes they can't help it and I have to deal with the comments like, "are you getting paid for this?" Or, "maybe you are not built to do this.", and my fave "your body can't handle it."

Negativity be gone, I am thrilled to have an "off" day today. Which means I am about to head out to Costco and buy in bulk to celebrate. I am learning very quickly that these next 7 weeks will either make me or break me. I am also learning that a solid real outdoor bike ride makes me develop the rare form of Tourettes where I yell profanities. I was getting creative with that on the 41 mile ride Saturday. At one point I made myself chuckle with the outburst of, "suck my left nut you cocky fuckball!" Funny, I didn't remember that left nut when putting on my tri shorts that morning. The open road can be so nerving. Yet, at the same time when you have a great clip going, minimal traffic, nothing but a clear road with the sun shining it quickly becomes the most exhilarating feeling to me. I feel at one with my bike and the road.

My running, ummm... I should save that for a post titled, "Running Rehab". Another post coming soon is, "WeWa Points on Long Training Days. Where The Hell Do They Go?"

Still Trying To Believe....
Saturday's 02/07 Workout:
AM Bike 41miles 2:39 15.5mph
Sunday's 02/08 Workout:
AM Run 4miles 0:54 2min run/1min walk